Dear readers – you have probably been wondering why the hell I dropped off the face of the earth. Well sadly though life has been interesting with a very personal and private personal matter, the rest of my life was back burnered and incredibly dull. There was zero funzies happening for this kid. 😦
Lots of talk online with some actual great prospects but zero follow though.
It was too depressing to write about, so I never bothered.
The only quasi interesting thing was my outing to a singles mixer in August. My paid dating site hosts occasional get togethers so people can get off the Internet and check each other out in the real world. I was Leary but for $5 I thought other than my time I had little to lose. Then I wavered – then a good friend mentioned a mutual friend was also planning to go – so I thought – perfect I don’t have to go alone. I’m in!
Sadly the ratio was off and definitely to the guys advantage. Of the guys my age,race and an acceptable height there was slim pickings. I am picky, yes, because I can be, but looking around the room of nervous and desperate people there were 2 guys I wanted to meet. Lame. And to make it worse a tall good looking guy was leaving as we arrived (fashionably late of course). Meh – ended up getting pretty tipsy and having a fun night meeting up with friends so not a total loss. But seriously it has been a boring summer. Latin hottie has been away and if home “out of commission” – coming off steroids his junk was not functioning properly. 😦 rather than trying with me he completely avoided seeing me. It was incredibly annoying. Honestly I was ready to give up with men entirely. But with the change of season my luck has changed! And finally I have something to write about 🙂

I think I’m a pretty busy person however I occasionally find myself with too much time on my hands. It’s usually when I’m on my days off and working on my tan. I was checking my free dating site inbox the other day while sunning myself.
Cute 23 yr old with sexy mirror shot has viewed me and sent a message. It was not quite what I was expecting. I debated responding after discussing it with a friend (Cheating Whore) – she was of the thought – why not?! After all I do like younger guys. And he seemed different than the usual 20 yr olds messaging to fuck. So after some deliberation I responded to this message.

Good afternoon miss,

Please excuse the somewhat inappropriate nature of my message, but I would like to be honest and upfront. I find you incredibly attractive, and as such, I wanted to inquire if you would be interested in having me as your personal, sexual slave. By this I mean I would be quite willing to do anything sexual that you desired, and I would not expect anything for you in return.

If you have any interest, let me know.

Affectionately yours,
J—–

—– you can see why I would be intrigued right???

I respond simply with ” seriously?”

He replies: Yes I was being serious. I apologize if you found what I wrote offensive, it was not my intention to offend you.

Me: It’s a pretty interesting request – is this something new to you? I think there are probably better sites than this for such a relationship.

Him: Yes this is something new for me. I have never been with a more experienced woman and I find the idea quite arousing. I think you are very beautiful and as such, I thought I would ask.

To clarify, I am not looking to be dominated, I enjoy pleasing a woman, I think that a woman’s orgasm is the sexiest and most arousing thing and so I am quite willing to please you if you are interested. Additionally, I thought you might be more inclined if the pleasure was solely focused on you, but I would happily accept mutual pleasure as well.

( ya just as I suspected – too good to be true)

Me : So how many women have u been with? Do you have other pics?

Him: Yes I do, and I have a webcam for skype or facetime if you have an iphone. Do you have an email I could send a picture to?

I have been with 7 girls, but never anyone older than 29. Sorry, I mis-typed, I meant to write 26.

Me:
And why do u think sex with someone older will be that different?

Him : I think our difference in age makes it a little naughty. I feel as though you would know exactly what you like and how you like it. I want to give you what you want.

(Tempting – I do like naughty and know what I like )

Me :I see. Interesting. Not really why I have a profile up though.

(Keep in mind this is a quasi legit dating site – free though – riff raff seem to love free)

Him :
Yes I understand, but perhaps I could keep you entertained while you continue your search.

Again it continues on to regular chit chat. Turns out I’m not that intrigued after all. I drop it. He messaged another night to see if I was free. Again – this is why dating normally is sooo fucked up. I got to stop contributing to the mess for all the other women. We really ought to band together and make these guys shape up!

I can’t quite figure out how or why things are seeming to shift. I am trying to not overanalyze things or jinx them. Latin Hottie is making my head spin lately. He’s not being as much of his casual FWB self. He has been more sweet like when I was having my affair with him – kissing me tenderly, asking me to let him know I made it home safely. Seeming to care! Shocking I know!!!! His birthday is coming up. Maybe he is maturing- maybe he’s seeing me as something with more potential than just. FWB – or maybe nothing. Either way it’s freaking me out a touch. I admitted to him I worry about him – he was kind about it and humoured me.
Stranger stillI think he’s agreed to go away with me to Vegas – I love Sin City and the way it makes me carefree and horny. I told him all the sluttiest dresses and shoes go to Vegas. I suggested if we went it would be a lot of fun. Well weeks later he is suggesting we escape to Vegas. He has brought it up 3 times. I think it is actually going to happen. I don’t know what it means but I haven’t travelled with a man other than my ex hubby. I’m nervous already and nothing is booked – we never spend more than a night. I’m turned on and terrified all at once! Will keep you posted!

Naturally now that this development has occurred with LH would a good friend set me up on a date with a guy she’s known for years. We went out last night for a drink. No crazy obvious red flags for a change. He is good looking, fit and nice – everything I want. A touch short and having a small kid are his biggest draw backs. I will give him a real fair shot. He’s by far the best I’ve come across in a while. He seemed to like me too – but when he mentioned I was his first date since his split I realized I am probably in over my head. He seems keen though – messaged me after to tell me thanks blah blah. Open mind Kate! The child will eventually grow up and thankfully is out of diapers!

In other dating news – bumped into a guy off legit site today after yoga and in a parking lot – he recognized me – messaged right away thinking I looked cute! Lol / grubby from gym and he thought I was cute! Yup – will give him a shot too – he’s Brazilian. 🙂 anyone noticing a pattern yet????!! Lol!

Also the free site also provides great entertainment. I will copy a recent message I received for your amusement!
It makes me realize why romance and real dating is dead. All the girls putting out with FWB gives these guys no reason to work harder to win us over. And yes I see the irony in how I’m contributing to my own grief here!

Anyhow the message I got:
I like the blue top and your choice of no necklace. Simple, but stylish! Do you wear oversized sunglasses all the time or regular sized?

I’m not too down with this website’s terms and services as they “own” any pictures we upload. If you send me your email I will send you some photos of my face.

Just so you know, while I want to fall in love, I also not believe in holding out for something unrealistic in the meantime, rather wanting to enjoy time as it passes. This may seem direct, but I am incredibly overworked, very busy in my work, and I am trying to find a woman who is also in a similar situation with a busy schedule. As mentioned, while I’d like to fall in love, I see nothing wrong with two responsible adults who have chemistry enjoying their time together as they get to know one another. We’re certainly not in high school anymore!

I know it does not matter to you, but I have a six pack and am just over seven and a half, with a nice thickness.

I realize this could be interpreted as a “hey baby” message, but it should be indicative from my writing that I’m reasonably intelligent, and it is quite different suggesting a mutually beneficial, enjoyable, ongoing, exclusive relationship between two adults.

All in all, I would like to say I am a fit, reasonably intelligent, and overall a nice guy. I just happen to have a stronger drive. Being a nice guy is not mutually exclusive. Would like to hear your thoughts.

Naturally I was curious but not really / maybe if he had a sexy pic up so I respond with :
Perhaps you missed the not looking for FWB ;

He replies:
You never know. You would be surprised how many women say publically no FWB, but privately they end up having 1-2 guys.
At any rate, asked respectfully. You’re not interested. Best of luck w/ your search.

I reply : no worries ( yup I’m not taking
the bait)

He sends:
Message me if you change your mind, and want to enjoy yourself while you continue to look.

I know it doesn’t matter, but I do have a sixpack and am 7.5 with an upward curve

—– honestly can’t believe it but I’m guessing it must work or guys wouldn’t try it ——

Nope I’m gonna make attempting normal dating a priority for a bit and see what happens. Need a drama/ crazy break.

So I have a free dating profile, ( mainstream) and a paid dating profile (more serious than the free) and a sex dating site profile (free as my pics garner lots of interest so the website gives me a free membership – yes another fringe benefit of being a hot girl ;;). I am attempting some regular dating as it is getting close to the two year mark of when I left my husband. I don’t need the sex personal much – other than evening ego boosting entertainment of checking my mailbox I don’t meet guys there. I have Latin hottie and Gym Guy if LH is away for sex. It’s enough. I’m not on a mission to put a bunch of notches on the bedpost.

So on the free site I got a message from a guy I’d met in real life about a year ago – he’s a vet and had looked at my dog while my regular vet was on vacation. I recalled being attracted to him at the appointment so when he asked me for coffee I jumped on it. He was age appropriate, Latin ( ok are we noticing a pattern folks??) tall and a doctor! Swoon. I hadn’t been this optimistic since the dinner date with the Pilot. So I met him one day after work. We ended up having drinks as coffee shop was closed. It went alright except a couple weird things – the biggest being asking if I wanted more kids! Personally I don’t see this as a good first date topic ~ immediately I felt uncomfortable even though he was cool with either answer. We got along decent and when he put me on the spot asking me to dinner that weekend I agreed. (Sometimes I’m soooo spineless)
He choose a restaurant later in the week and let me know, though he didnt have the sense to make a reservation so we ended up eating in the lounge. It was an awkward table configuration and I spent the entire dinner with two options – lean into him or balance on half my ass cheek as he wouldn’t move over! Wtf!! I choose to balance. I wasn’t that into him. He looked better in his dr Lab coat and was paunchier than last year. ( side note – I work hard on my body so I like in shape people) – dinner was decent, a restaurant I have been too with LH a few times. But the conversation was dying and I was rambling to fill the void. He only had one drink and didn’t want desert or coffee so we sat and sat drinking water 😠🔫 – things got weird and I told him I wasn’t sure I was ready to date after awkward topics such as his bisexual ex girlfriend, making out in the exam room when I bring my dog in for his shots and homosexuality. Finally he went to the washroom so I summoned the bill from the asshole waiter who was torturously ignoring my plight! The vet carefully examined the bill oh soooo slowly. Now I’m feeling like I’ve let him down and wasted his time so like an idiot I ask if he’d like to split the cheque. As the guy who invited me and chose the restaurant I fully expected him to say no. But he didn’t!!!! 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱
He replied “ok” – I’d have loved to see the look of shock on my face! Zero etiquette! As I parted with my $72 I thought of the wine I could have bought and actually enjoyed by myself on my couch instead of wasting my night with this guy! Thankfully we were done —- or so I thought. Now he decides to be a gentleman and walk me to my car. Ugh. More awkwardness. Two incredibly awkward hugs and weird standing looking at me like he wanted to kiss me but clearly had no balls – then finally I got to leave. Ugh! Brutal. I decide I need a dating break. I’d rather be alone. I’m better company ;;
In a side note my dog needs to go to the vet for his shots and yup this dude is covering for my vet. Had a stroke of genius and brought along my kid so that there would be nothing but professionalism. Happy to report it worked like a charm though I did get a couple of weird trying to make eye contact moments.

In other news on same legit but free dating site I had blocked the French Stalker some time ago (at least 8 months) – since he has sent a birthday note, ordered stuff from my online store and emailed to try to make contact. My tactic has simply been ignore — eventually he will give up. Well it seems he’s still smitten. He had deleted his old profile (the blocked one) and created a new different one in order to contact me. He just keeps messaging and rambling on. Asking me out. He misses me as a friend. Blah blah blah — it goes on and on. I respond to none of it. The yuckiest part though is I can see when he views my profile. It’s often. It’s creepy. I think I will be blocking it.

Still the sex with Latin Hottie has been incredible. I actually think it’s the best sex I have ever enjoyed. The trouble being LH will never be mine so spending my time with him keeps me from fully needing to put myself out there. A good girlfriend makes a good point on this matter though — if you weren’t fucking LH you’d be desperate and settling. She’s right. As fabulous as my vibrator is it isn’t a warm body and certainly doesn’t kiss me! I am trying to remain open and figure if I keep casually dating and meet a guy who intrigues me enough will be able to let LH go. When I joke about meeting husband # 2 LH always makes a joke about how my being married never stopped me before. I would like to try a conventional relationship again if I go back into marriage. Not sure I’d actually be capable of it but I think I’d like to try.

So to the latest hot sex — so LH and I are talking about having a sleepover last week and he asked me for “the menu”. Confused I asked what menu and he said the pic I took when all my slutty lingerie arrived. He asked me to resend it dogs could pick what I would wear. I actually really like that he is so visual and tells me what he wants to see me in. He asked for a #1 or #6 – both are full body stockings. Then he asks if they are easily rippable ( in reference to when he tore the fishnets open to fuck me in them ) which I inform him they are “crotchless for his fucking pleasure”.

Things have been good with Latin Hottie. We have been having a lot of fun together in the bedroom. I think maybe the swingers club thing has put our relationship into a clearly sexual relationship where we are both out to enjoy each other as much as possible. The sex has been amazing. It is flirty and hot. As I may have mentioned LH is into “unwrapping his present” – meaning he loves seeing me in lingerie or shoes or a sexy clingy dress before (or during getting down to it). I love doing it for him too! It’s nice to have a guy who appreciates the effort and cost that it takes to do this. We girls shop with them in mind — what turns him on and look for it. Recently online I was looking for and found some really slutty lingerie. It was cheap and sexy and just the sort of stuff that would make LH get out his camera phone to photograph me in it for his spank bank. I ordered a ton. It finally arrived and I photographed it with a text “merry XXX-mas mr.hottie” and sent it to him out of the blue. Obviously this aroused him and he replied he felt like a kid in a candy store unable to decide what he would choose first.

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Needless to say he was quite excited to see me soon. I unfortunately was getting sick when he was free but I was super horny and my period was due soon so I told him he could come play at his own risk of catching my cold. I could have said I had the plague and I don’t think it would have stopped him. So I got dolled up in a tight black dress, a really short one and some stockings and started texting him pics to get him good and horny before he arrived.

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I open the door and his jaw dropped – then changed to a big smile. “Oh my god – you look soooo hot” he said. Then he started kissing me hard. I could feel he was already getting hard from his embrace. I tried being cool – brought him in for a drink we sat and talked a bit but he could not keep his hands off of me, especially my legs in the fishnets and patent heels. Then he says my favorite words “lets go upstairs” — I walk in front of him slowly letting him admire the view now with my dress hiked up high enough so he could see the garters I had on.
And it all stayed on, he pushed my panties to the side and went to work on me with his tongue, as much as I love his mouth exploring my pussy I just really wanted his big dick fucking me hard, and so I told him just that. He was happy to oblige and pounded me hard, changing the intensity with different positions for a very long time. My pussy was getting a major work out and things were getting sweaty so I took off the small dress and he could see now my bra was leopard print to match the garters. He flipped me onto my stomach and pounded me so deep from behind and by rubbing my clit he set me to squirting – full on gushing all over his hard dick, which got him so hot he came too. He collapsed on me in a dripping sweaty sexy heap, both of us breathing hard and me shaking from the intensity of my orgasm.
I stripped off and we went to sleep. In the morning we woke early and he climbs on me and slowly spreads me open to take his morning wood. We have intense close sex. He tugs my hair and caresses me all over like my skin is a magnet. Breasts in his mouth he licks and teases my nipples. As much as I adore a good hard fuck I like when LH is a bit more tender which he tends to be in the morning. He looks at me so intensely it almost scares me. Then he said something strange – quite often he tells me ” I love your body” – but while in the heat of it all he had his hand entwined in my hair and was kissing me and stopping and looked at me and says ” I love your face”.
What!?!! I love your face!???!!,
This was the closest I think he’s ever got to saying he is into me. What the hell – I am surprised but flattered. But then I realize I decided to not read anything into what he says -take it at face value – he loves my face. Nothing more.
We cum again and collapse, smoke a joint fuck again – this time more frantic and intense. I cum again all over him. My bed is a wet mess. We find a dry spot and fall asleep in each others arms again.

Then the following week just the night before last he came over. Again more hot sex. I told him I love it when he fucks me so much that my pussy is sore for a day or so and that it makes me think about him and how hot it was and makes me smile. I ask him to make my pussy sore. This thought turns him on and he’s happy to oblige! We fucked so many times I was almost tempted to stop after the 3rd time but I always tell him more. Like a kid that only gets pop as a treat and begs mom for just one more glass because it’s soooo delicious! He usually laughs and tells me I have had enough and most girls aren’t as lucky. I tell him that I know this. I tell him he is a fabulous lover. And that is why I have been fucking him for the past 3 years.
We talked about him taking a shower at my place out of convenience. I told him I thought it was strange he’s always going home to shower and reminded him that I used to always shower at his place. Then we reminisced about the times when I was married and snuck to his place to fuck him all afternoon and kept my make up there so my hubby couldn’t see the mess. Then the discussion came to keeping some essentials at my place, toothbrush,deodorant etc. I said I don’t mind. (Could be the closest I will ever get him to a commitment lol)
We have another round – I am telling him how I am lucky to have him as my lover and he’s like and now with my vasectomy you can go off the pill.
Wtf?!?!
I know he doesn’t want kids – fine – neither do I ( I think) — but he knows I see other people. I wasn’t sure what to say, does he want me to only be fucking him?? Because I’m trying to do the face value thing – but that threw me for a loop! I told my Best Friend. Her thought is its him trying to stake a claim . She also thought I should tell him leaving a tooth brush is too much like a relationship. I had the guts to do neither. I will wait it out and see. In the meantime he knows I’m dating. I even had a date the night he last came over, earlier in the evening. When I mentioned he was also Latin I got a surprising comment back. He basically asked if he was his replacement. I replied, well he’s tall, Latin and a doctor . I am gonna give him a second date.
Maybe a little healthy competition is all that he needed!
Will keep you posted but in the meantime face value and fun are the plan.

I have barely been talking to the 30 year old that wants to make me feel 21 again. I am not into him. He’s ok looking but not really up to my standard, he’s a bit chubby – I like a guy with a lean hard body. He will texts and I reply eventually. He offers to cook for me and I am generally turning him down as he is not a priority. I do not have a lot of time and I am not keen on wasting mine on a guy that I’m not into. I would rather be fucking Latin Hottie, having happy hour with a girlfriend or working out. (Yes in that order;)
My friend has been telling me I need to kick him to the curb. He uses possessive pronouns which I hate (though if LH used the same ones I may not really mind). Well the ignoring wasn’t working and he needed to be schooled. Here’s how it went down,

Tuesday:
Him – Dinner Saturday night, make you a pizza n watch some movies 😉
( I ignore it….pretty sure I have plans with LH Saturday -maybe swing club visit #3….so I hedge my bets….maybe if I am desperate for something to do…. But most likely not)

Wednesday (noonish and I am rolling out of bed with LH after a night and morning of amazing sex)
Him – I wanna keep you up all night gorgeous like 4 in the morning
(Wtf –that’s random considering we have seen each other only twice and have only fooled around and not actually had sex I am annoyed by this – I show LH as he sees my incoming messages as I prepare out breakfast – LH laughs, and says” 4! That’s not even late” ahhh posturing! I must admit I like him knowing there are other boys in the wings) — A minute later I get another text from him
Him – I could tear you up right now so bad
( I pass phone to LH who blows it off and ignore it.. Really wtf am I supposed to say in response)

Screen lights up again – this time it’s Gym Guy, it reads simply “quickie?”
Again I let LH see it. Yup – consider yourself lucky I have your cum running down my leg)

The next day I get another message from the 30 year old. Clearly my non response tactic of ignore and eventually he will get the hint is not working.

Him – Hey what are your plans tonight?
I reply “gym”

Now that he has a response he starts the conversation. I am at work discussing it in real time with a coworker who is encouraging me to cut him loose. I feel like now is a good time.

Him – Nice have fun, you should make some time for me miss

Me – Oh I’m not sure we are on the same wavelength

Him – Its hard for me to know what you want if we never chill, youre a classy lady and i like that about you..
Him – That’s why i give you space cuz i don’t know where ur at
All i want is to meet you somewhere in the middle, go out eat n do fun things together, treat u good, give u a nice massage when u need it, but if you feel that way im not gonna wait around for you to decide lol

(Ok perfect – he gets it phew — but no he doesn’t and 10 minutes later the texts keeps coming — it’s reminding me of French Stalker….. I really hate confrontation).

Him – You know i work my ass off and hit the gym like a maniac just so one day i can have a beautiful woman like you and live life others can only dream about, we already have something girl n you’re gonna throw it away??

(Wtf!?!? We already have something??!? Oh I never noticed! I’m now wondering how dillusional this guy is!)

Me – Fair enough – I just think the 4 in the morning shit is rather forward – if u think I’m classy I don’t get the assumption I’m wanting to spread my legs for a dinner – I’m sorry – I’m not that girl

(Ok I may be “that girl” but only if I’m really into the guy)

Him – Its not like that, im just trying to figure u out, sex is great yea but i want more than that, i wasn’t trying to be rude maybe turn u on a bit that’s all
Him – So ill let u figure it out miss, good night

(Phew we are done —- except we aren’t and two minutes later he changes tactics and I get a random one asking about my dog and him telling me about a puppy he’s watching. Really – you are gonna use puppies to get to me?? Talk about sneaky play)

And then an hour later a final text

Him – Almost 400 mixed situps tonight lol grinding like no tomorrow

Huh??? So now I’m supposed to be impressed you can do sit ups? Ugh — I’m out. Seriously hoping that my lack of response will make him go away for good. My girlfriend Cheating Whore figures he knows he’s out of his league. The comments he made about me reveal this I guess. I’m a desirable woman – just wish LH would figure it out. Sigh.

I received an interested invite on Facebook from an old lover (the first guy who had ever joined my husband and I over 10 years ago, who we stayed in touch with and saw from time to time). The invite was to see a burlesque show at a local venue. His wife was a dancer. I thought why not!!? I need to get out more, expand my circle and this guy is arty and fun and knows loads of people. I mention to Latin Hottie about it to see if he wants to come. He becomes more intrigued as I explain my friend is more into the lifestyle and was inviting many people to the event who swing. I figure it is a better way too meet attractive couples than the swingers club may be – who knows where it could end up – maybe a house party after. So we make plans to attend. My old lover asks me loads of questions prior – what am I looking for? Another guy to join us, a girl, a couple? He let me know he was ” retired ” from the lifestyle since getting married and having a child (though before they were married he asked me if I was at all into women because he was interested in having me join them. I really am not (or so I thought!?!?) so I declined. But it had been a long time since I’d seen him and what the hell I figured – I can’t meet anyone staying home.

LH was thinking this would be a sex party – but I explained it was not like that. It was more of a meet and greet. He wanted to know what I was going to wear (he loves a sexy outfit) – I decided on a short lacy skirt, tight tank and fishnets with some sexy heels — the fishnets were a bit over the top but if you can’t wear fishnets to a burlesque show then I don’t know where they would be appropriate. (Again I love dressing sexy but I’m shy and hate being judged – which is why I adore Vegas because anything goes and there are scantily clad women all over you don’t feel like you stand out).

We planned a sleepover, burlesque show to see how it goes and he suggested the swingers club after if the party was boring. Well the party was fun, the show was sexy and a bit of a turn on. I also liked the attention my old FWB was giving me, as well as the attention of some of the lifestyle men and couples. I know it turns him on to see other men want me. I smoked some weed on the way to the party and had a few glasses of wine at the show. We left about 11 after deciding we wanted more excitement. I recall part of the drive to the club, but things get very very fuzzy thereafter. I had taken an anti- anxiety pill earlier to nap and because I was nervous about what was going to happen at the club. After our big chat it was clear to me that I may be encountering something wayyyy out of my comfort zone. I recall vaguely arriving and grabbing our first drink. AND NOTHING ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Talk about a Very Very bad time to have a full black out. The next day I woke up in my bed in my bra and nothing else. Pussy sore I look over to see LH asleep. Think Kate think! And nothing comes. Holy fuck!! This occasionally happens to me – some days I can drink gallons and be fine – other days I am blacking out after a bottle of wine. It is scary because I never know what is going to happen or when. LH leaves. We don’t discuss anything other than he said last night was soooo fun.

Later on during the day we are texting – so I go on a fishing expedition. Here is the conversation.

Me – I don’t remember last night at the club. Nothing after leaving the hall. Did I seem ok?

LH – You were fine. U even told me a speed limit on the road.

Me – think it must have been the Ativan
We
LH – u don’t remember the gang bang at the club lol
(There’s a break in the conversation and half hour later I come back to it, now thinking ok, he is fucking with me, but damn, nothing is triggering any memories )

Me – was the sex good last night???? I hate blacking out :((( I feel ripped off! We didn’t do anything
At the club did we? U left the membership card here?

LH- oh. Last nights sex was the best ever!

Me – lol was it? I hate u

LH- u don’t remember the 2 guys at the club? U were a champ!

Me- not funny, tell me honestly

LH – the club was good, busy. We danced tons. Then we went upstairs . Everyone was having fun.

Me. – really? Fuck. I hate blacking out. What happened upstairs?
Not like in the
LH – we had fun. Tons of people upstairs but we got a corner couch.

Me – Really?? Fuck – I’m annoyed I recall none of this. Did we have sex there?

LH – yup. And it was soooo good a couple near by sat next to us. Asian hot girl and old guy. They
started going . U were grabbing her tits while the guy licked her. I think she was cumming.
I was doing you from behind.

Me – OMG 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😱😱😱😱😱

LH – see. You like girls.

Me – haha wow…

LH – cuz it was your initiative to almost kiss her. U two were close. But u two were cumming lots.
Maybe u thought it was your ex hubby coz it was an older guy lol

Me – OMG LOL

LH – you seemed fine, until u got sick lol

Me – what??? OMG I’m kinda mortified – I puked????? Where??? Not like in the open? 😳😳😳
You realize we are never going back there!!

LH – u weren’t feeling fine. You went to the bathroom. Don’t worry. Nothing embarrassing happened.

Me – oh thank god. So, did u love it?

LH – our corner was having action but not as much as everyone else. It was busy. Oooooh it was
So good. You liked it too. U were all smiles.

Me – lol ok.

LH- then we went home and had wild sex for like an hour at least. We came. Took a nap and did it again. Lol never happens.

Me – ? What are u fucking with me about all of it?..

LH – huh? Why lol, u didn’t drink much. Did u find the half bottle of wine we brought back?

Me – ok so seriously this happened or didn’t?

LH – it was the Ativan.

Me – I’m confused

LH – it did lol – what part don’t u believe?

Me -idk, I just really remember nothing, not even snippets.

LH – mmm weird coz u were pretty happy.

Me – what do u mean never happens?

LH – we danced tons. Most of the night. Ooh..we usually fall asleep, but we woke up lol

Me – oh gotcha. Damn. Well I’m sorry I missed it all 😦

LH – we have to do it all over again then lol

Me – was the Asian chick cute

LH – oh! Super hot! I don’t like Asians but she was adorable. And great body. She was checking you out for a while. So she was happy when u two were close. Lol

Me – was I I’m my skirt or naked?

LH – u were fully clothed.

Me – damn, ok, crazy.

I later discovered my panties and fishnets balled up in the laundry room. The crotch was ripped. He obviously tore them and fucked me in them. Soooo hot. I feel like a detective piecing it all together.

As you know I like to have my net in a wide pool to try to get a good selection of available men. I have a free regular dating site account, a pay for really legit people looking for soul mates account a new swingers account and a sex focused account.
I like that they all address different needs as I’m not really sure at this point what I want. I’ve made a few good friends (platonic bomb) , I have had some great dates that turned out crazy
wrong (the pilot) I have had some great potentials that drop off the face of the earth before we can even meet, and I have made a decent FWB (gym guy).

Honestly I don’t know what I want. I have a “I will know it when I see it” mentality to dating that is much like the way I shop. Keep looking eyes wide open and one day I should find it, right?

So I often check my visitors to see whose been checking me out and to read my mail to see if there is anything worth replying to. Most are lame “hey how are you?” Messages like that unless you are super hot are not getting a reply! Put in an ounce of effort yeesh – even if you copy and paste the same shit you wrote the last 20 women.
Occasionally I get a “you should really fuck me” on the regular free site by guys who are obviously to cheap to pay to join the site that is strictly sex. These generally get ignored too.
About a month ago though I got one I couldn’t ignore. Why?? Well it wasn’t your typical profile at all. Profile description is a man middle aged but the pictures are not at all what I would expect of a middle aged man. Nope – I read the message which was a simple how are you (boring) and scroll to pictures. It’s a man cross dressing 50s pin up style. 5 pictures all clearly taken professionally!
I’m thinking wtf do you want from me. Pretty sure I listed I’m looking for dudes not dudes that dress like women!! Too each there own I guess. I respect that you aren’t hiding who you are, but damned if this is the kinda men out there I may give up looking entirely.

On a side I worry dude may think I’m interested as I keep clicking his profile to show the pics to my friends!

20130614-093825.jpg

Ya — definitely not my type!!!!

After our night at the club I was really upset. I didn’t want to be, but the fact of the matter is I was. As much as I try to deny my feelings for Latin Hottie – seeing him at the club kissing another woman really bothered me. It was like I was never going to have this image of his arms around her that was burned into my brain gone from my mind. I needed some girl time I needed some perspective I had to discuss this with a good friend. I text my girlfriend Cheating Whore and ask her if she’s available for drinks. I need to talk. http://diaryofacheatingwhore.wordpress.com/
Thankfully she is free so we have several glasses of wine over the course of the evening and think of what I should do. CW is convinced I must talk to him and let him know how I feel about the situation. I want to to – but I’m afraid. There are so many reasons it is a bad idea. LH “doesn’t want a girlfriend” – “hates drama” – “doesn’t believe in jealousy” etc. I will come across as that crazy possessive girl who wants to trap him and he will drop me like a hot potato.
But my insides are writhing with unrest and I’m sick over it. And now several glasses of liquid courage in I go home and text him. Can I tell you upfront the drunk text is never a good idea – no matter what it seems to be at the time….. Well actually I’m on the fence…. I felt better finally saying what I felt….though hearing what he felt was tough to take.

Here’s how it went down: I started with fishing….after texting a few sexy pics….

Me – have u heard from anyone from Saturday? I was invited to a party on “sex website” – curious who is going
LH – no , I only got the blonde and her husbands # . Haven’t heard, what kind of party? I can’t wait
to go again. That was fun.
Me – Private party, I have to call for details ..I think I told u about the group….not sure yet but I
Can go but I will see, I think there will be better looking people there. Ha, u and your buddy
can go. You have the membership card.
LH – Haha ….no not with him.
Me. – why not, u two can be a sexy Latin tag team;;
LH – haha no thanks. I’m sure there are enough guys, besides, I like seeing you turned on.
Not him. Lol
Me – Meh, not good looking ones. U were definitely the hottest guy there.
LH – Thanks. I didn’t notice any extra attention for being the hottest. Lol.
Me. – Lol, come on. You got to make out. I was jealous and I was even telling CW even though
I’m straight the only one I would be with there other than u was the blonde and that would
Be a stretch.
LH – Really? There were were some hot ladies there.
Me – Ya, but I’m not into women. It’s great for you. Lol.
LH – We should text the blonde then. Yeah, but you gotta play fair. I’m not into men and you
got your fun. Lol
Me – lol . I’m not taking one for the team.
LH – Then?
Me – to be with you and watched yes, idk ….or bringing two boys lol
LH – see!!!! No!
Me. – what?
LH – you can have me and the husband and the wife too
Me. – no.
LH – it’s not all about you.
Me – lol yes it is
LH – we are there to share
Me – I don’t share well.
LH – pffff lol
Me – lol I know
LH – no, we have to play
Me – its coz I have feelings for u. I wish I didn’t, but I do. So it’s hard to watch, whereas,
U don’t care so it doesn’t matter.
LH – That’s fine, have feelings but u can’t be possessive. I shared you. You have to share me.
Me – I do share you. You have a girl out of town!
LH. – so what’s the difference? U just don’t want to see me
Me – I don’t want to see it. Or hear it.
LH – what about me and the husband doing you?
Me – its different.
LH – lol no, lol
Me – u were with me, I never shared my husband, it is. I will work on it. It may be the perfect thing
Really.
LH – you can play too, you just don’t want to.
Me – no I don’t
LH – we started this relationship sharing
Me – ya I guess. I don’t know — I guess I always hoped ethics would be more than it has been
-stupid really, trouble with being an optimistic realist, lol.
LH – we are fine as we are, don’t need to complicate things, we are not built that way.
Me – you aren’t . It is ok. I’ve made some decisions.
LH – you are not the poster child for one man type lol. What decisions?
Me – lol, I’m not no. Ya I sound like a hypocrite for sure.
LH – we are having fun! It’s great how we are, enjoy it. Trying to comply with traditional rules don’t
Make anyone happy…… Look around
Me – I want to but we are on an uneven playing field.
LH – Yeah!!!! Talk about uneven!!!!!
Me – I like u more than u like me. Therefore I am always disappointed.
LH – lol I like you lots, we are more than friends for a long time
Me – its fine – it’s not that I don’t get it and didn’t know it going in.
LH – you just want to follow the norm
Me – no I don’t
LH – well, this is uneven, and you know you are not playing fair
Me – but I hate that u are never jealous. I’m not?
LH – I’m a Buddhist, I not believe in attachments lol, true though
Me – I haven’t been with anyone but u since sept ….meh
LH – yeah and you can get 2 boys for fun, but not for my fun
Me – so it bothers u that I am with someone else ? Or that u do not get 2 Women?
LH – it’s not about you ….it’s about me not paying importance on that issue….if it was
A different girl I would be the same, it’s not about you. I care for you lots and you
Know that. But you also know you are not playing fair.
Me – I never talk to u about this because honestly I never want to know your true
Answer, so I stress.
LH – tomorrow sober you are gonna read all this lol
Me – no
LH- well I’m not here to stress anyone, hence the reason I don’t believe in relationships
Me – I know, I am sorry
LH – anyway we should go to bed
Me – we should have talked before we went sat
LH – lol, why?? WE HAD 3somes before ….you just don’t wanna play fair!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me – because I think we needed some expectations. I have never seen my guy with
Another woman
LH – well time to join the rest of us
Me – like I said decisions
LH – what decisions? You are SO stressing me out Kate, I shouldn’t be talking to you drunk.
You are reminding me why I stay away from relationships.
Me – I am not that drink (***yes I typed drink coz I was actually pretty shit canned)
Anyway, three years LH ….sorry I have feeling
LH – I do too! I’m not made of stone. I’m not built the way you want metro be, you should
Have seen that from the beginning.
Me – anyway I’ve decided I don’t care –
LH – I thought we were having fun
Me – yup, lets have fun. Putting my feelings aside
LH – that’s good! Don’t care! Why base your happiness in someone else’s?!
Me – I don’t, I’m responsible for my happiness.
LH – it’s ok I have feelings. I have too….but we are having fun and let’s keep it simple stupid lol
Me – it was my ultimate worst case scenario lol – but whatever, you’ve been on the other end.
LH – worst case scenario? To have great sex, no jealousy and have fun???
Me – no for u to be with someone else and I am alone.
LH – you had 2 before, play fair…and with that I’m going to bed
Me – you are the least jealous person I know, it’s different – it’s normal,
LH – I know everyone says that, and if u think about it, it’s good.
Me – ya, it’s just that u don’t seem to give a shit. Goodnight.
LH – lol if I didn’t I wouldn’t be talking about it eh, goodnight xo

******and then in my drunken upset stupor I fuck up. I screen shot our conversation to send to
My girlfriend Cheating Whore to ask her advise. I am drunk and not sure if this was a good
Or bad conversation. But nope, I don’t send it to CW I send it to Latin Hottie by mistake and
I only notice after sending 4 screen shots!!!!! 😳 FML – I want the ground to swallow me.

LH – wrong recipient…..you are sending me our own chat lol
(Busted,….I want to die, but I am steadily on bottle two)
Me – lol, ya I’m trashed.
LH- ya I know
Me – CW was asking. I’m sorry. I hate this ~ honestly I’m trying not to care.
LH – sure…explain to her how u can have 2 guys and not wanting to share me, maybe she
Can talk u straight.
Me – ya coz she’s married and just booked a holiday with her lover, root of all problems is I like
You too much. It’s good. Be with someone else in front of me and it could fix me
Entirely lol, will be brutal but
LH – see……soooo many women would love to have what u have on your plate …full freedom.
Me – ..could even things out.
LH – but u want a relationship and I don’t do that.
Me – I know. U have been upfront. And I am an optimist. Lol.
LH – last time I had an actual ” late night talk about us” it was over 10 years ago….feel lucky,
I do not take this, but honestly if you are stressing and not having fun let me know
Me – ha depends on the day!!! Go to bed, you need to look good tomorrow.
LH – if it changes day by day it has nothing to do with me. I hope you re read this all
tomorrow. I’m going to bed.
Me – nite
LH – night night.

Sooooooo after that I felt somewhat better. After the hangover went away I thought about it.
He admitted feelings for me, he does care about me. It’s all I really needed, but also to know exactly where I stand. I am still nothing. So I decide ok, Kate, he laid it out for you, you wanted to hear it. Now accept it. So I tried to go with the attitude it is what it is….like LH said Enjoy it.
I feel a sense of calm. Ok, go with it is the way I am dealing with it. But I am conflicted.
Am I just betraying myself and my feelings to satisfy what he wants in this?

So there is a strong possibility that there is going to be a 2nd visit very soon — so I must catch you up on my first visit to the swing club. (This is when I kick myself for my blogging hiatus as a lot has happened but I will try my best to fill in the blanks)!

Latin Hottie has been my lover for coming on three years. I try not to, but I have feelings for him. For those new to my blog, I met LH while married. My ex and I had a slightly unconventional marriage and often I had other men join us in bed. LH was one, but eventually it was more of an affair than part of my marriage. We have incredible sex and I am pretty sure I’m addicted to him.

Over those years we naturally have talked about other fantasies etc. I am divorced and he quite often spends the night but he is definitely not my boyfriend (he’s very clear about not wanting a girlfriend). So in the course of discussions going to a swingers club came up. I said maybe. Though my marriage was definitely more lifestyle involved it wasn’t out there to the point we would hit a club (though my ex had wanted to check it out and other lovers wanted to go as a 3sum we never did).
I am shy and paranoid and the thought of being watched or spotted by someone I knew made it something I just wasn’t comfortable with.

And then it came up again – I honestly can’t recall how now but it did. LH has mentioned before “I owe him a girl on girl on guy three way for all the times he was with my ex and I as a couple” —- well pal you knew the deal going in. Plus I’m really not into women, so I had always laughed it off, but he keeps gently pushing it…going as far to mention he knew a woman who would be willing (his other lover — yes just twist that knife a wee bit deeper darling;)

So the next thing I know I am online researching various clubs and emailing for addresses. We had a Sat night date and he decided it was time to try something new. Reluctantly I agreed and then start panicking! What have I got myself into!!!! I DO NOT Share!! I am insecure and jealous and now I’m freaking out!! We aren’t going til later as we definitely do not want to be the first ones there. I drink 3 glasses of wine and try on every sexy / slutty dress and short skirt I own. OMG — this is really happening tonight!!!

LH comes and picks me up. He is dressed casual. I answer the door in clingy tank top style dress. It’s not really too slutty as I am hoping to project a classier image. The shoes I choose are for LH who has a bit of a thing for making me wear them while he fucks me. They are patent and high and look like a corset. “You look hot” he says as he kisses me hello. And off we go to this club in some random industrial park. (Feels sketchier than sexy)

Now we have just made this plan to go and “check it out” — to see what it’s all about, if any attractive people go. (I had a friend that went years ago and she was a huge girl describing blowing some guy there on the dance floor did not strike me as my scene)! Club rules are the address only gets given to a woman and no single guys without a couple. So we arrive — there’s a group outside smoking and all the windows are blacked out. In we go. My anxiety is through the roof but LH is so chill and is calming me down – reassuring me it will be fine. We are just checking it out.

We enter – its dark and loud and feels like a regular night club. We register as a couple (weird —since LH is sooo adamant we aren’t) and get the newbie tour. It’s BYOB and we brought 3 bottles of wine (oh yes- tonight’s a night for liquid courage if there ever were!) I can feel the eyes checking us out. We are fresh meat. It’s fairly busy with a mix of people dressed up in the theme night costume – bunnies as in playboy – a naughty take on Easter! On the tour we see the playroom… Lots of massage table like built in bed in an easy to sterilize vinyl. Not super sexy – big and open with one couple making out. I honestly didn’t even get a very good look because I was freaking out internally. Tour ends and we are back to the bar/ dancing area. LH pours our drinks and we scope room. He is sweet and has arm around me – to comfort me I think or maybe he knows I am ready to bolt! I am completely uncomfortable and chugging my wine while trying to look like I was unaffected by the whole scene – as though it’s normal to hang out with a bunch of scantily clad women in bunny costumes or dancing topless. We get approached by a cute little blonde not in a bunny costume who asks me to dance. I am not into chicks, but I feel flattered and less awkward dancing with her than I did standing on the sidelines watching. We get to chatting with several couples and everyone’s really quite friendly. It starts to feel less awkward. The blonde and I dance several times and as we are dancing LH is approached by a girl in a tight black dress. She looks older than me – not as cute in my humble opinion. They are chatting and he goes to get a drink and she follows. The music then changes and the blonde and I leave the dance floor and return to chat with her husband. And then it happens. My worst nightmare scenario.
Over the husbands shoulder I see LH and the girl kissing and he is holding her sweetly and now I can’t concentrate on the small talk I’m trying to make because my heart is sinking and I don’t know what to do. I knew it was a possibility — we hadn’t discussed boundaries prior — I assumed since we were just “checking it out” that we weren’t playing with others, but apparently that wasn’t said or understood — and there I was.

They came over and he introduced us. Super awkward and I decided to play nice in the sandbox. Was gracious and chatted with her hubby who I was not remotely interested in getting with. In fact there was no one there I would have gone to bed with other than LH. Yet all of a sudden the discussion turns to going upstairs. (Yes where the vinyl beds are) —- and then I am walking the stairs with LH following and the other couple.
Now at this point I’m pretty drunk, but internally I am freaking out. I am just going to swallows my feelings and let whatever happens go down. I am going to be open minded. It’s just sex right??

And as we reach the top of the stairs and pass the girl on her knees blowing a guy on the sofa and enter the play room the club manager disappoints 3 of the 4 of us by telling us he was sorry but the club is closing. Holy saved by the bell Batman!! I sigh inside biggest sigh of relief – and we go to catch a taxi. We proceed home and have really crazy hot sex.

The next day I say nothing about it. I can’t — I realize it makes me a total hypocrite. But then I can’t stand it anymore.
My next post will let you know how that all went down! Nite xx

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