Dear readers – you have probably been wondering why the hell I dropped off the face of the earth. Well sadly though life has been interesting with a very personal and private personal matter, the rest of my life was back burnered and incredibly dull. There was zero funzies happening for this kid. 😦
Lots of talk online with some actual great prospects but zero follow though.
It was too depressing to write about, so I never bothered.
The only quasi interesting thing was my outing to a singles mixer in August. My paid dating site hosts occasional get togethers so people can get off the Internet and check each other out in the real world. I was Leary but for $5 I thought other than my time I had little to lose. Then I wavered – then a good friend mentioned a mutual friend was also planning to go – so I thought – perfect I don’t have to go alone. I’m in!
Sadly the ratio was off and definitely to the guys advantage. Of the guys my age,race and an acceptable height there was slim pickings. I am picky, yes, because I can be, but looking around the room of nervous and desperate people there were 2 guys I wanted to meet. Lame. And to make it worse a tall good looking guy was leaving as we arrived (fashionably late of course). Meh – ended up getting pretty tipsy and having a fun night meeting up with friends so not a total loss. But seriously it has been a boring summer. Latin hottie has been away and if home “out of commission” – coming off steroids his junk was not functioning properly. 😦 rather than trying with me he completely avoided seeing me. It was incredibly annoying. Honestly I was ready to give up with men entirely. But with the change of season my luck has changed! And finally I have something to write about 🙂
I can’t quite figure out how or why things are seeming to shift. I am trying to not overanalyze things or jinx them. Latin Hottie is making my head spin lately. He’s not being as much of his casual FWB self. He has been more sweet like when I was having my affair with him – kissing me tenderly, asking me to let him know I made it home safely. Seeming to care! Shocking I know!!!! His birthday is coming up. Maybe he is maturing- maybe he’s seeing me as something with more potential than just. FWB – or maybe nothing. Either way it’s freaking me out a touch. I admitted to him I worry about him – he was kind about it and humoured me.
Stranger stillI think he’s agreed to go away with me to Vegas – I love Sin City and the way it makes me carefree and horny. I told him all the sluttiest dresses and shoes go to Vegas. I suggested if we went it would be a lot of fun. Well weeks later he is suggesting we escape to Vegas. He has brought it up 3 times. I think it is actually going to happen. I don’t know what it means but I haven’t travelled with a man other than my ex hubby. I’m nervous already and nothing is booked – we never spend more than a night. I’m turned on and terrified all at once! Will keep you posted!
Naturally now that this development has occurred with LH would a good friend set me up on a date with a guy she’s known for years. We went out last night for a drink. No crazy obvious red flags for a change. He is good looking, fit and nice – everything I want. A touch short and having a small kid are his biggest draw backs. I will give him a real fair shot. He’s by far the best I’ve come across in a while. He seemed to like me too – but when he mentioned I was his first date since his split I realized I am probably in over my head. He seems keen though – messaged me after to tell me thanks blah blah. Open mind Kate! The child will eventually grow up and thankfully is out of diapers!
In other dating news – bumped into a guy off legit site today after yoga and in a parking lot – he recognized me – messaged right away thinking I looked cute! Lol / grubby from gym and he thought I was cute! Yup – will give him a shot too – he’s Brazilian. 🙂 anyone noticing a pattern yet????!! Lol!
Also the free site also provides great entertainment. I will copy a recent message I received for your amusement!
It makes me realize why romance and real dating is dead. All the girls putting out with FWB gives these guys no reason to work harder to win us over. And yes I see the irony in how I’m contributing to my own grief here!
Anyhow the message I got:
I like the blue top and your choice of no necklace. Simple, but stylish! Do you wear oversized sunglasses all the time or regular sized?
I’m not too down with this website’s terms and services as they “own” any pictures we upload. If you send me your email I will send you some photos of my face.
Just so you know, while I want to fall in love, I also not believe in holding out for something unrealistic in the meantime, rather wanting to enjoy time as it passes. This may seem direct, but I am incredibly overworked, very busy in my work, and I am trying to find a woman who is also in a similar situation with a busy schedule. As mentioned, while I’d like to fall in love, I see nothing wrong with two responsible adults who have chemistry enjoying their time together as they get to know one another. We’re certainly not in high school anymore!
I know it does not matter to you, but I have a six pack and am just over seven and a half, with a nice thickness.
I realize this could be interpreted as a “hey baby” message, but it should be indicative from my writing that I’m reasonably intelligent, and it is quite different suggesting a mutually beneficial, enjoyable, ongoing, exclusive relationship between two adults.
All in all, I would like to say I am a fit, reasonably intelligent, and overall a nice guy. I just happen to have a stronger drive. Being a nice guy is not mutually exclusive. Would like to hear your thoughts.
Naturally I was curious but not really / maybe if he had a sexy pic up so I respond with :
Perhaps you missed the not looking for FWB ;
He replies:
You never know. You would be surprised how many women say publically no FWB, but privately they end up having 1-2 guys.
At any rate, asked respectfully. You’re not interested. Best of luck w/ your search.
I reply : no worries ( yup I’m not taking
the bait)
He sends:
Message me if you change your mind, and want to enjoy yourself while you continue to look.
I know it doesn’t matter, but I do have a sixpack and am 7.5 with an upward curve
—– honestly can’t believe it but I’m guessing it must work or guys wouldn’t try it ——
Nope I’m gonna make attempting normal dating a priority for a bit and see what happens. Need a drama/ crazy break.
Things have been good with Latin Hottie. We have been having a lot of fun together in the bedroom. I think maybe the swingers club thing has put our relationship into a clearly sexual relationship where we are both out to enjoy each other as much as possible. The sex has been amazing. It is flirty and hot. As I may have mentioned LH is into “unwrapping his present” – meaning he loves seeing me in lingerie or shoes or a sexy clingy dress before (or during getting down to it). I love doing it for him too! It’s nice to have a guy who appreciates the effort and cost that it takes to do this. We girls shop with them in mind — what turns him on and look for it. Recently online I was looking for and found some really slutty lingerie. It was cheap and sexy and just the sort of stuff that would make LH get out his camera phone to photograph me in it for his spank bank. I ordered a ton. It finally arrived and I photographed it with a text “merry XXX-mas mr.hottie” and sent it to him out of the blue. Obviously this aroused him and he replied he felt like a kid in a candy store unable to decide what he would choose first.
Needless to say he was quite excited to see me soon. I unfortunately was getting sick when he was free but I was super horny and my period was due soon so I told him he could come play at his own risk of catching my cold. I could have said I had the plague and I don’t think it would have stopped him. So I got dolled up in a tight black dress, a really short one and some stockings and started texting him pics to get him good and horny before he arrived.
I open the door and his jaw dropped – then changed to a big smile. “Oh my god – you look soooo hot” he said. Then he started kissing me hard. I could feel he was already getting hard from his embrace. I tried being cool – brought him in for a drink we sat and talked a bit but he could not keep his hands off of me, especially my legs in the fishnets and patent heels. Then he says my favorite words “lets go upstairs” — I walk in front of him slowly letting him admire the view now with my dress hiked up high enough so he could see the garters I had on.
And it all stayed on, he pushed my panties to the side and went to work on me with his tongue, as much as I love his mouth exploring my pussy I just really wanted his big dick fucking me hard, and so I told him just that. He was happy to oblige and pounded me hard, changing the intensity with different positions for a very long time. My pussy was getting a major work out and things were getting sweaty so I took off the small dress and he could see now my bra was leopard print to match the garters. He flipped me onto my stomach and pounded me so deep from behind and by rubbing my clit he set me to squirting – full on gushing all over his hard dick, which got him so hot he came too. He collapsed on me in a dripping sweaty sexy heap, both of us breathing hard and me shaking from the intensity of my orgasm.
I stripped off and we went to sleep. In the morning we woke early and he climbs on me and slowly spreads me open to take his morning wood. We have intense close sex. He tugs my hair and caresses me all over like my skin is a magnet. Breasts in his mouth he licks and teases my nipples. As much as I adore a good hard fuck I like when LH is a bit more tender which he tends to be in the morning. He looks at me so intensely it almost scares me. Then he said something strange – quite often he tells me ” I love your body” – but while in the heat of it all he had his hand entwined in my hair and was kissing me and stopping and looked at me and says ” I love your face”.
What!?!! I love your face!???!!,
This was the closest I think he’s ever got to saying he is into me. What the hell – I am surprised but flattered. But then I realize I decided to not read anything into what he says -take it at face value – he loves my face. Nothing more.
We cum again and collapse, smoke a joint fuck again – this time more frantic and intense. I cum again all over him. My bed is a wet mess. We find a dry spot and fall asleep in each others arms again.
Then the following week just the night before last he came over. Again more hot sex. I told him I love it when he fucks me so much that my pussy is sore for a day or so and that it makes me think about him and how hot it was and makes me smile. I ask him to make my pussy sore. This thought turns him on and he’s happy to oblige! We fucked so many times I was almost tempted to stop after the 3rd time but I always tell him more. Like a kid that only gets pop as a treat and begs mom for just one more glass because it’s soooo delicious! He usually laughs and tells me I have had enough and most girls aren’t as lucky. I tell him that I know this. I tell him he is a fabulous lover. And that is why I have been fucking him for the past 3 years.
We talked about him taking a shower at my place out of convenience. I told him I thought it was strange he’s always going home to shower and reminded him that I used to always shower at his place. Then we reminisced about the times when I was married and snuck to his place to fuck him all afternoon and kept my make up there so my hubby couldn’t see the mess. Then the discussion came to keeping some essentials at my place, toothbrush,deodorant etc. I said I don’t mind. (Could be the closest I will ever get him to a commitment lol)
We have another round – I am telling him how I am lucky to have him as my lover and he’s like and now with my vasectomy you can go off the pill.
Wtf?!?!
I know he doesn’t want kids – fine – neither do I ( I think) — but he knows I see other people. I wasn’t sure what to say, does he want me to only be fucking him?? Because I’m trying to do the face value thing – but that threw me for a loop! I told my Best Friend. Her thought is its him trying to stake a claim . She also thought I should tell him leaving a tooth brush is too much like a relationship. I had the guts to do neither. I will wait it out and see. In the meantime he knows I’m dating. I even had a date the night he last came over, earlier in the evening. When I mentioned he was also Latin I got a surprising comment back. He basically asked if he was his replacement. I replied, well he’s tall, Latin and a doctor . I am gonna give him a second date.
Maybe a little healthy competition is all that he needed!
Will keep you posted but in the meantime face value and fun are the plan.
I received an interested invite on Facebook from an old lover (the first guy who had ever joined my husband and I over 10 years ago, who we stayed in touch with and saw from time to time). The invite was to see a burlesque show at a local venue. His wife was a dancer. I thought why not!!? I need to get out more, expand my circle and this guy is arty and fun and knows loads of people. I mention to Latin Hottie about it to see if he wants to come. He becomes more intrigued as I explain my friend is more into the lifestyle and was inviting many people to the event who swing. I figure it is a better way too meet attractive couples than the swingers club may be – who knows where it could end up – maybe a house party after. So we make plans to attend. My old lover asks me loads of questions prior – what am I looking for? Another guy to join us, a girl, a couple? He let me know he was ” retired ” from the lifestyle since getting married and having a child (though before they were married he asked me if I was at all into women because he was interested in having me join them. I really am not (or so I thought!?!?) so I declined. But it had been a long time since I’d seen him and what the hell I figured – I can’t meet anyone staying home.
LH was thinking this would be a sex party – but I explained it was not like that. It was more of a meet and greet. He wanted to know what I was going to wear (he loves a sexy outfit) – I decided on a short lacy skirt, tight tank and fishnets with some sexy heels — the fishnets were a bit over the top but if you can’t wear fishnets to a burlesque show then I don’t know where they would be appropriate. (Again I love dressing sexy but I’m shy and hate being judged – which is why I adore Vegas because anything goes and there are scantily clad women all over you don’t feel like you stand out).
We planned a sleepover, burlesque show to see how it goes and he suggested the swingers club after if the party was boring. Well the party was fun, the show was sexy and a bit of a turn on. I also liked the attention my old FWB was giving me, as well as the attention of some of the lifestyle men and couples. I know it turns him on to see other men want me. I smoked some weed on the way to the party and had a few glasses of wine at the show. We left about 11 after deciding we wanted more excitement. I recall part of the drive to the club, but things get very very fuzzy thereafter. I had taken an anti- anxiety pill earlier to nap and because I was nervous about what was going to happen at the club. After our big chat it was clear to me that I may be encountering something wayyyy out of my comfort zone. I recall vaguely arriving and grabbing our first drink. AND NOTHING ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Talk about a Very Very bad time to have a full black out. The next day I woke up in my bed in my bra and nothing else. Pussy sore I look over to see LH asleep. Think Kate think! And nothing comes. Holy fuck!! This occasionally happens to me – some days I can drink gallons and be fine – other days I am blacking out after a bottle of wine. It is scary because I never know what is going to happen or when. LH leaves. We don’t discuss anything other than he said last night was soooo fun.
Later on during the day we are texting – so I go on a fishing expedition. Here is the conversation.
Me – I don’t remember last night at the club. Nothing after leaving the hall. Did I seem ok?
LH – You were fine. U even told me a speed limit on the road.
Me – think it must have been the Ativan
We
LH – u don’t remember the gang bang at the club lol
(There’s a break in the conversation and half hour later I come back to it, now thinking ok, he is fucking with me, but damn, nothing is triggering any memories )
Me – was the sex good last night???? I hate blacking out :((( I feel ripped off! We didn’t do anything
At the club did we? U left the membership card here?
LH- oh. Last nights sex was the best ever!
Me – lol was it? I hate u
LH- u don’t remember the 2 guys at the club? U were a champ!
Me- not funny, tell me honestly
LH – the club was good, busy. We danced tons. Then we went upstairs . Everyone was having fun.
Me. – really? Fuck. I hate blacking out. What happened upstairs?
Not like in the
LH – we had fun. Tons of people upstairs but we got a corner couch.
Me – Really?? Fuck – I’m annoyed I recall none of this. Did we have sex there?
LH – yup. And it was soooo good a couple near by sat next to us. Asian hot girl and old guy. They
started going . U were grabbing her tits while the guy licked her. I think she was cumming.
I was doing you from behind.
Me – OMG 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😱😱😱😱😱
LH – see. You like girls.
Me – haha wow…
LH – cuz it was your initiative to almost kiss her. U two were close. But u two were cumming lots.
Maybe u thought it was your ex hubby coz it was an older guy lol
Me – OMG LOL
LH – you seemed fine, until u got sick lol
Me – what??? OMG I’m kinda mortified – I puked????? Where??? Not like in the open? 😳😳😳
You realize we are never going back there!!
LH – u weren’t feeling fine. You went to the bathroom. Don’t worry. Nothing embarrassing happened.
Me – oh thank god. So, did u love it?
LH – our corner was having action but not as much as everyone else. It was busy. Oooooh it was
So good. You liked it too. U were all smiles.
Me – lol ok.
LH- then we went home and had wild sex for like an hour at least. We came. Took a nap and did it again. Lol never happens.
Me – ? What are u fucking with me about all of it?..
LH – huh? Why lol, u didn’t drink much. Did u find the half bottle of wine we brought back?
Me – ok so seriously this happened or didn’t?
LH – it was the Ativan.
Me – I’m confused
LH – it did lol – what part don’t u believe?
Me -idk, I just really remember nothing, not even snippets.
LH – mmm weird coz u were pretty happy.
Me – what do u mean never happens?
LH – we danced tons. Most of the night. Ooh..we usually fall asleep, but we woke up lol
Me – oh gotcha. Damn. Well I’m sorry I missed it all 😦
LH – we have to do it all over again then lol
Me – was the Asian chick cute
LH – oh! Super hot! I don’t like Asians but she was adorable. And great body. She was checking you out for a while. So she was happy when u two were close. Lol
Me – was I I’m my skirt or naked?
LH – u were fully clothed.
Me – damn, ok, crazy.
I later discovered my panties and fishnets balled up in the laundry room. The crotch was ripped. He obviously tore them and fucked me in them. Soooo hot. I feel like a detective piecing it all together.
As you know I like to have my net in a wide pool to try to get a good selection of available men. I have a free regular dating site account, a pay for really legit people looking for soul mates account a new swingers account and a sex focused account.
I like that they all address different needs as I’m not really sure at this point what I want. I’ve made a few good friends (platonic bomb) , I have had some great dates that turned out crazy
wrong (the pilot) I have had some great potentials that drop off the face of the earth before we can even meet, and I have made a decent FWB (gym guy).
Honestly I don’t know what I want. I have a “I will know it when I see it” mentality to dating that is much like the way I shop. Keep looking eyes wide open and one day I should find it, right?
So I often check my visitors to see whose been checking me out and to read my mail to see if there is anything worth replying to. Most are lame “hey how are you?” Messages like that unless you are super hot are not getting a reply! Put in an ounce of effort yeesh – even if you copy and paste the same shit you wrote the last 20 women.
Occasionally I get a “you should really fuck me” on the regular free site by guys who are obviously to cheap to pay to join the site that is strictly sex. These generally get ignored too.
About a month ago though I got one I couldn’t ignore. Why?? Well it wasn’t your typical profile at all. Profile description is a man middle aged but the pictures are not at all what I would expect of a middle aged man. Nope – I read the message which was a simple how are you (boring) and scroll to pictures. It’s a man cross dressing 50s pin up style. 5 pictures all clearly taken professionally!
I’m thinking wtf do you want from me. Pretty sure I listed I’m looking for dudes not dudes that dress like women!! Too each there own I guess. I respect that you aren’t hiding who you are, but damned if this is the kinda men out there I may give up looking entirely.
On a side I worry dude may think I’m interested as I keep clicking his profile to show the pics to my friends!
Ya — definitely not my type!!!!
After our night at the club I was really upset. I didn’t want to be, but the fact of the matter is I was. As much as I try to deny my feelings for Latin Hottie – seeing him at the club kissing another woman really bothered me. It was like I was never going to have this image of his arms around her that was burned into my brain gone from my mind. I needed some girl time I needed some perspective I had to discuss this with a good friend. I text my girlfriend Cheating Whore and ask her if she’s available for drinks. I need to talk. http://diaryofacheatingwhore.wordpress.com/
Thankfully she is free so we have several glasses of wine over the course of the evening and think of what I should do. CW is convinced I must talk to him and let him know how I feel about the situation. I want to to – but I’m afraid. There are so many reasons it is a bad idea. LH “doesn’t want a girlfriend” – “hates drama” – “doesn’t believe in jealousy” etc. I will come across as that crazy possessive girl who wants to trap him and he will drop me like a hot potato.
But my insides are writhing with unrest and I’m sick over it. And now several glasses of liquid courage in I go home and text him. Can I tell you upfront the drunk text is never a good idea – no matter what it seems to be at the time….. Well actually I’m on the fence…. I felt better finally saying what I felt….though hearing what he felt was tough to take.
Here’s how it went down: I started with fishing….after texting a few sexy pics….
Me – have u heard from anyone from Saturday? I was invited to a party on “sex website” – curious who is going
LH – no , I only got the blonde and her husbands # . Haven’t heard, what kind of party? I can’t wait
to go again. That was fun.
Me – Private party, I have to call for details ..I think I told u about the group….not sure yet but I
Can go but I will see, I think there will be better looking people there. Ha, u and your buddy
can go. You have the membership card.
LH – Haha ….no not with him.
Me. – why not, u two can be a sexy Latin tag team;;
LH – haha no thanks. I’m sure there are enough guys, besides, I like seeing you turned on.
Not him. Lol
Me – Meh, not good looking ones. U were definitely the hottest guy there.
LH – Thanks. I didn’t notice any extra attention for being the hottest. Lol.
Me. – Lol, come on. You got to make out. I was jealous and I was even telling CW even though
I’m straight the only one I would be with there other than u was the blonde and that would
Be a stretch.
LH – Really? There were were some hot ladies there.
Me – Ya, but I’m not into women. It’s great for you. Lol.
LH – We should text the blonde then. Yeah, but you gotta play fair. I’m not into men and you
got your fun. Lol
Me – lol . I’m not taking one for the team.
LH – Then?
Me – to be with you and watched yes, idk ….or bringing two boys lol
LH – see!!!! No!
Me. – what?
LH – you can have me and the husband and the wife too
Me. – no.
LH – it’s not all about you.
Me – lol yes it is
LH – we are there to share
Me – I don’t share well.
LH – pffff lol
Me – lol I know
LH – no, we have to play
Me – its coz I have feelings for u. I wish I didn’t, but I do. So it’s hard to watch, whereas,
U don’t care so it doesn’t matter.
LH – That’s fine, have feelings but u can’t be possessive. I shared you. You have to share me.
Me – I do share you. You have a girl out of town!
LH. – so what’s the difference? U just don’t want to see me
Me – I don’t want to see it. Or hear it.
LH – what about me and the husband doing you?
Me – its different.
LH – lol no, lol
Me – u were with me, I never shared my husband, it is. I will work on it. It may be the perfect thing
Really.
LH – you can play too, you just don’t want to.
Me – no I don’t
LH – we started this relationship sharing
Me – ya I guess. I don’t know — I guess I always hoped ethics would be more than it has been
-stupid really, trouble with being an optimistic realist, lol.
LH – we are fine as we are, don’t need to complicate things, we are not built that way.
Me – you aren’t . It is ok. I’ve made some decisions.
LH – you are not the poster child for one man type lol. What decisions?
Me – lol, I’m not no. Ya I sound like a hypocrite for sure.
LH – we are having fun! It’s great how we are, enjoy it. Trying to comply with traditional rules don’t
Make anyone happy…… Look around
Me – I want to but we are on an uneven playing field.
LH – Yeah!!!! Talk about uneven!!!!!
Me – I like u more than u like me. Therefore I am always disappointed.
LH – lol I like you lots, we are more than friends for a long time
Me – its fine – it’s not that I don’t get it and didn’t know it going in.
LH – you just want to follow the norm
Me – no I don’t
LH – well, this is uneven, and you know you are not playing fair
Me – but I hate that u are never jealous. I’m not?
LH – I’m a Buddhist, I not believe in attachments lol, true though
Me – I haven’t been with anyone but u since sept ….meh
LH – yeah and you can get 2 boys for fun, but not for my fun
Me – so it bothers u that I am with someone else ? Or that u do not get 2 Women?
LH – it’s not about you ….it’s about me not paying importance on that issue….if it was
A different girl I would be the same, it’s not about you. I care for you lots and you
Know that. But you also know you are not playing fair.
Me – I never talk to u about this because honestly I never want to know your true
Answer, so I stress.
LH – tomorrow sober you are gonna read all this lol
Me – no
LH- well I’m not here to stress anyone, hence the reason I don’t believe in relationships
Me – I know, I am sorry
LH – anyway we should go to bed
Me – we should have talked before we went sat
LH – lol, why?? WE HAD 3somes before ….you just don’t wanna play fair!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me – because I think we needed some expectations. I have never seen my guy with
Another woman
LH – well time to join the rest of us
Me – like I said decisions
LH – what decisions? You are SO stressing me out Kate, I shouldn’t be talking to you drunk.
You are reminding me why I stay away from relationships.
Me – I am not that drink (***yes I typed drink coz I was actually pretty shit canned)
Anyway, three years LH ….sorry I have feeling
LH – I do too! I’m not made of stone. I’m not built the way you want metro be, you should
Have seen that from the beginning.
Me – anyway I’ve decided I don’t care –
LH – I thought we were having fun
Me – yup, lets have fun. Putting my feelings aside
LH – that’s good! Don’t care! Why base your happiness in someone else’s?!
Me – I don’t, I’m responsible for my happiness.
LH – it’s ok I have feelings. I have too….but we are having fun and let’s keep it simple stupid lol
Me – it was my ultimate worst case scenario lol – but whatever, you’ve been on the other end.
LH – worst case scenario? To have great sex, no jealousy and have fun???
Me – no for u to be with someone else and I am alone.
LH – you had 2 before, play fair…and with that I’m going to bed
Me – you are the least jealous person I know, it’s different – it’s normal,
LH – I know everyone says that, and if u think about it, it’s good.
Me – ya, it’s just that u don’t seem to give a shit. Goodnight.
LH – lol if I didn’t I wouldn’t be talking about it eh, goodnight xo
******and then in my drunken upset stupor I fuck up. I screen shot our conversation to send to
My girlfriend Cheating Whore to ask her advise. I am drunk and not sure if this was a good
Or bad conversation. But nope, I don’t send it to CW I send it to Latin Hottie by mistake and
I only notice after sending 4 screen shots!!!!! 😳 FML – I want the ground to swallow me.
LH – wrong recipient…..you are sending me our own chat lol
(Busted,….I want to die, but I am steadily on bottle two)
Me – lol, ya I’m trashed.
LH- ya I know
Me – CW was asking. I’m sorry. I hate this ~ honestly I’m trying not to care.
LH – sure…explain to her how u can have 2 guys and not wanting to share me, maybe she
Can talk u straight.
Me – ya coz she’s married and just booked a holiday with her lover, root of all problems is I like
You too much. It’s good. Be with someone else in front of me and it could fix me
Entirely lol, will be brutal but
LH – see……soooo many women would love to have what u have on your plate …full freedom.
Me – ..could even things out.
LH – but u want a relationship and I don’t do that.
Me – I know. U have been upfront. And I am an optimist. Lol.
LH – last time I had an actual ” late night talk about us” it was over 10 years ago….feel lucky,
I do not take this, but honestly if you are stressing and not having fun let me know
Me – ha depends on the day!!! Go to bed, you need to look good tomorrow.
LH – if it changes day by day it has nothing to do with me. I hope you re read this all
tomorrow. I’m going to bed.
Me – nite
LH – night night.
Sooooooo after that I felt somewhat better. After the hangover went away I thought about it.
He admitted feelings for me, he does care about me. It’s all I really needed, but also to know exactly where I stand. I am still nothing. So I decide ok, Kate, he laid it out for you, you wanted to hear it. Now accept it. So I tried to go with the attitude it is what it is….like LH said Enjoy it.
I feel a sense of calm. Ok, go with it is the way I am dealing with it. But I am conflicted.
Am I just betraying myself and my feelings to satisfy what he wants in this?
So there is a strong possibility that there is going to be a 2nd visit very soon — so I must catch you up on my first visit to the swing club. (This is when I kick myself for my blogging hiatus as a lot has happened but I will try my best to fill in the blanks)!
Latin Hottie has been my lover for coming on three years. I try not to, but I have feelings for him. For those new to my blog, I met LH while married. My ex and I had a slightly unconventional marriage and often I had other men join us in bed. LH was one, but eventually it was more of an affair than part of my marriage. We have incredible sex and I am pretty sure I’m addicted to him.
Over those years we naturally have talked about other fantasies etc. I am divorced and he quite often spends the night but he is definitely not my boyfriend (he’s very clear about not wanting a girlfriend). So in the course of discussions going to a swingers club came up. I said maybe. Though my marriage was definitely more lifestyle involved it wasn’t out there to the point we would hit a club (though my ex had wanted to check it out and other lovers wanted to go as a 3sum we never did).
I am shy and paranoid and the thought of being watched or spotted by someone I knew made it something I just wasn’t comfortable with.
And then it came up again – I honestly can’t recall how now but it did. LH has mentioned before “I owe him a girl on girl on guy three way for all the times he was with my ex and I as a couple” —- well pal you knew the deal going in. Plus I’m really not into women, so I had always laughed it off, but he keeps gently pushing it…going as far to mention he knew a woman who would be willing (his other lover — yes just twist that knife a wee bit deeper darling;)
So the next thing I know I am online researching various clubs and emailing for addresses. We had a Sat night date and he decided it was time to try something new. Reluctantly I agreed and then start panicking! What have I got myself into!!!! I DO NOT Share!! I am insecure and jealous and now I’m freaking out!! We aren’t going til later as we definitely do not want to be the first ones there. I drink 3 glasses of wine and try on every sexy / slutty dress and short skirt I own. OMG — this is really happening tonight!!!
LH comes and picks me up. He is dressed casual. I answer the door in clingy tank top style dress. It’s not really too slutty as I am hoping to project a classier image. The shoes I choose are for LH who has a bit of a thing for making me wear them while he fucks me. They are patent and high and look like a corset. “You look hot” he says as he kisses me hello. And off we go to this club in some random industrial park. (Feels sketchier than sexy)
Now we have just made this plan to go and “check it out” — to see what it’s all about, if any attractive people go. (I had a friend that went years ago and she was a huge girl describing blowing some guy there on the dance floor did not strike me as my scene)! Club rules are the address only gets given to a woman and no single guys without a couple. So we arrive — there’s a group outside smoking and all the windows are blacked out. In we go. My anxiety is through the roof but LH is so chill and is calming me down – reassuring me it will be fine. We are just checking it out.
We enter – its dark and loud and feels like a regular night club. We register as a couple (weird —since LH is sooo adamant we aren’t) and get the newbie tour. It’s BYOB and we brought 3 bottles of wine (oh yes- tonight’s a night for liquid courage if there ever were!) I can feel the eyes checking us out. We are fresh meat. It’s fairly busy with a mix of people dressed up in the theme night costume – bunnies as in playboy – a naughty take on Easter! On the tour we see the playroom… Lots of massage table like built in bed in an easy to sterilize vinyl. Not super sexy – big and open with one couple making out. I honestly didn’t even get a very good look because I was freaking out internally. Tour ends and we are back to the bar/ dancing area. LH pours our drinks and we scope room. He is sweet and has arm around me – to comfort me I think or maybe he knows I am ready to bolt! I am completely uncomfortable and chugging my wine while trying to look like I was unaffected by the whole scene – as though it’s normal to hang out with a bunch of scantily clad women in bunny costumes or dancing topless. We get approached by a cute little blonde not in a bunny costume who asks me to dance. I am not into chicks, but I feel flattered and less awkward dancing with her than I did standing on the sidelines watching. We get to chatting with several couples and everyone’s really quite friendly. It starts to feel less awkward. The blonde and I dance several times and as we are dancing LH is approached by a girl in a tight black dress. She looks older than me – not as cute in my humble opinion. They are chatting and he goes to get a drink and she follows. The music then changes and the blonde and I leave the dance floor and return to chat with her husband. And then it happens. My worst nightmare scenario.
Over the husbands shoulder I see LH and the girl kissing and he is holding her sweetly and now I can’t concentrate on the small talk I’m trying to make because my heart is sinking and I don’t know what to do. I knew it was a possibility — we hadn’t discussed boundaries prior — I assumed since we were just “checking it out” that we weren’t playing with others, but apparently that wasn’t said or understood — and there I was.
They came over and he introduced us. Super awkward and I decided to play nice in the sandbox. Was gracious and chatted with her hubby who I was not remotely interested in getting with. In fact there was no one there I would have gone to bed with other than LH. Yet all of a sudden the discussion turns to going upstairs. (Yes where the vinyl beds are) —- and then I am walking the stairs with LH following and the other couple.
Now at this point I’m pretty drunk, but internally I am freaking out. I am just going to swallows my feelings and let whatever happens go down. I am going to be open minded. It’s just sex right??
And as we reach the top of the stairs and pass the girl on her knees blowing a guy on the sofa and enter the play room the club manager disappoints 3 of the 4 of us by telling us he was sorry but the club is closing. Holy saved by the bell Batman!! I sigh inside biggest sigh of relief – and we go to catch a taxi. We proceed home and have really crazy hot sex.
The next day I say nothing about it. I can’t — I realize it makes me a total hypocrite. But then I can’t stand it anymore.
My next post will let you know how that all went down! Nite xx
Well it had been a while since I’d had any sex. Latin hottie was away a lot . I was jealous knowing he was fucking his out of town FWB (who on a side note I recently found l that she is older than me – Not that I’m sure that this makes me feel better or worse about things). So finally he was back and it was my day off the next day so I invited him for a sleepover. He agreed to come over after I finished my class. We hung out caught up as usual – smoked some weed and started making out on the sofa. As usual it felt comfortable, but he was definitely in “a mood” – we were on our way to my bed and he asked what I was putting on. I have been spoiling him with sexy lingerie a lot and it seems he was getting used to it. I told him nothing – I wanted just my skin on his as I had been missing him like mad. He’s mentioned before he likes to “unwrap his present” – its fun for me to dress up because it turns him on. He’s started taking pics of my outfits to save for his “spank bank” / which is flattering. I find it a compliment knowing I am the girl he jerks off to.
Anyhow, I insisted no lingerie but he was dead set on shoes – he has a bit of a slutty heels fetish which I also indulge ( notice my giving pattern anyone lol?!?)
So I sent him to my closet to choose a pair. He comes in with a pair I wore on my last girls night out ( I’d sent him a pic in my LBD that night which I knew he liked)! I put them on and stripped off. He threw me on the bed and we were all over each other like tomorrow was never going to come. He was feeling extra dominant which I like. He was forceful, fucking me hard, throwing me all over like a rag doll,taking me from behind, pulling out to make me suck his rock hard cock more and tossing me into another position – mostly from behind. He asks if he can fuck my Ass – i refuse – in his rough mood and with his cock as hard as it was i was thinking he would rip me to shreds. He grabbed my tits hard, squeezing my nipples and pulling my hair. I don’t recall him ever being this rough with me, but I admit I’m a bit of a submissive girl and was totally enjoying it. I came so many times I lost count, soaking my bed as he kept nailing my g spot and making me gush. I have noticed he likes to time his orgasm to when I’m squirting….. I’m guessing the warmth of my cum turns him on 🙂
We eventually tire and pass out on my cum soaked sheets. I beg for more in the morning, but he tells me to sleep. We wake a couple hours later and now I am not taking no for an answer. I start to stroke him and he is hard instantly and climbs on top. Another marathon of sex ensues- the finally dry bed a soaking wet mess again. I am soooo turned on I am buzzing and wish he’d stay all day – napping – smoking – fucking…. Repeat!
But he Never stays! A bit of breakfast, chit chat and a quick kiss good bye and he is gone. I feel sexually satisfied and yet completely empty all at once. I hate that I can’t squash my feelings (even after our big chat – which I will eventually get to). LH definitely has me hooked as much as I don’t want to admit it.
And so I like to make myself feel better with other boys! ( low self esteem much? Honestly I am too cute to feel this way, but I still do)!
Soooo I go about my day still horny as fuck from all the sex and I want more -/// and Gym Guy is all over it with his radar! He texts asking about my plans for the day! As it is my day off I actually finally have a free minute to see him.
I debate this in my head as he’s messaging — ok Kate – u just fucked LH – his cum is literally still dripping out and you are making plans to fuck another guy in 6 hrs. I try to talk myself out of it but I’m feeling bad for myself after LH described his other gal as less desirable than me – I need to make myself feel better and after 10 days of straight begging I decide gym guy is going to help – coz he’s younger and better looking than LH – oh man – I should probably see a shrink for my insecurities!
So we talk and GG is testing my limits as usual. He’s still asking to do the milk enema and lately has asked me if I would pee on him (in the shower of course) — ew no thanks — please stop watching fetish porn !!!! But he was asking for sex and I was in the mood. I mention that i had my FWB over the night before (failing to mention the late morning round) he didn’t flinch at all. Obviously we was tired of waiting. I was doing some running around so told him when to come over. He asked me to be naked, spread and lubed up. He even said please. He was getting used to asking nice if he wanted his way with me and to be perfectly honest – I was enjoying the power. ( maybe I’m not submissive!?!?!) I said maybe- “please – it’s so hot to walk in and see you like that” — I’m a bit nervous so I chug some wine (busy day empty tummy) and smoke a bit if weed to relax.
So I unlock the door – strip to bra and panties (I don’t want him always getting his way) – he walks in – he smiles -comments that I’m not naked yet – we start kissing and we both peel off our clothes. He licks my clit and fingers me – making me cum and squirt all over – I soaked his leg and the floor. He grabs a condom off the nightstand and enters me with a deep thrust and fucks me and fucks me hard. He is intense. I hardly notice he’s not that big coz he his working what he has! Then he asks if he can fuck my ass. By now I’m so horny I don’t even say yes – I just turn over and back my ass up to the edge of the bed like a cat in heat . He enters me slowly at first with his finger to make me lubed up and ready for him. He tells me how much he loves fucking my tight little ass and puts his dick inside. He starts slow and steady and continues to increase his pace. He reaches to my clit and I cum again. He is sooo horny / pulls out and takes the condom off washes his cock with the towel we used to sop up my mess on the floor and asked me to suck him til he cums. He tells me he wants to cum in my face and I told him yes – and I feel him stiffen more and he pulls out and releases his hot load all over my face. He towels my face off and kisses me. Thanks me and gets dressed. And he’s gone .
Noone stays. I feel emptier and start drinking more and more and more. LH messages asking how my “date was” – yup – I had told him at some point in the day I agreed to let GG come over. He knew he was begging – I’d even sent him a screen shot of him begging — I wanted him to know I am desired by other men — I want him to step up and claim me – but he doesn’t. In fact he had encouraged me to see him “I should have fun too”, he said. The word that bothered me the most in that sentence was too. Because it means he’s having other fun and I shouldn’t be just waiting to have sex with him. (Which I had been)
I told him my “date” was good. That it was very hot and I was still horny as hell and if he came back over I’d let him fuck me up the ass too! Yup – at this point I am smashed drunk. He asks why I let GG and not him the night before. I mention his dick is bigger – an ego stroke hoping he would come back over and “reclaim me” — but after I beg like an idiot he refuses ” too much to do.” He’s got to get ready to go out of town (where he stays with other chick).
Fuck me – two boys one day — and alone and empty I pass out in my bed. Seriously – how did I get here?
Wow, things have been busy but in a good way. December is always a busy month for me. I have been doing a lot of drinking and eating and celebrating. My poor poor liver, but hey, you only go around once and being the hedonist I am I am damn well going to enjoy my time here. And lately I have been. Lots of great nights out and yes – lots of great sex :)))) things are back into the old routine with Latin Hottie. I am Very happy to report there have been several all night sex marathons with morning sex for breakfast. LH is very much the man in bed. Take charge which I adore (in bed) — and I have been rewarding him with new sexy lingerie and heels. (Yes, he is visual and likes “to unwrap his present”). — it has been really fun. It is what sex should be. I feel fairly happy and satisfied. I know he’s not my boyfriend (or is he??) Things are casual, but they are comfortable and monogamous and its really all I am interested in at the moment. I will still date, but I really don’t feel relationship ready. My BF says that online dating really picks up in Jan so I will be open to it I guess. As the year wraps up my ex who is off on holidays with his new partner wishes me the best in the New Year. I am looking forward to it though I am not sure what goals I want to achieve. The usual get in shape (by no means am I big but I am def ready to drop 5 lbs) – finish my schooling, take a vacation or two, get my other businesses going (making more $$ will help with the vacations) — but mostly I want to make sure I do what I love, enjoy my days and have fun. With the passing of my stepmom I actual have been appreciative of my birthday. Life is to be celebrated and that is exactly what I intend to keep doing! Merry Xmas and Happy New Year everyone! Oh and yes more consistent blogging IS one resolution! There is sooo much more to share and I promise to get it done!
Latin Hottie has been in touch a lot lately. I had basically decided I was not going there again. Its setting myself up to have my heart broken again and my friend Cheating Whore will be really angry at me when she reads this post. (Sadly with my crazy busy life and her crazy shenanigans we haven’t had a catch up Happy hour in a few weeks). So I really had hoped Jacked Daddy was the answer to my sex problems (being that I’d like some on a somewhat regular basis with a guy who isn’t an asshole like Gym Guy -who on a side note has texted 3 times this week to hook up. I have taken to ignoring them). So clearly things with JD did not go anywhere close to how I’d hoped (on the plus side I did go get a full STI screening so the piece of mind will be good). I then was thinking fuck it!! I adore having sex with LH – he’s single now. Apparently my confidence in bed is much hotter than a 19 year olds body is. Haha — score one for the older women out there! So LH is all like “let’s go out for dinner. Wear your black dress I like. What are we doing for your birthday? Etc”. He is also taking some time off from work therefore is free almost all the time – which Really is a nice thing with my busy life. He has a car now and has offered to be “on call” for me. He can come and go easily. I Really like the sounds of this. We connect in bed well, have a decent friendship. It seems he almost is realising that I am a good choice. Or maybe he just wants hot sex again. Either way I decided ok, I will take him back as my lover – but I am going to try not to get my heart trampled on. I know I am probably setting myself up, but as he gets older he is changing priorities. We will see. He’s away right now so we talk a lot. He claims he wakes up hard for me and craves me. And then I go on my date Friday and now I am torn. I really had low or no expectations after all my crappy dates. Then I meet a guy I click with, with a lot of potential. Mind you it was only one date and he is in sales (us sales people know how to spin things to sell ourselves) – but can I go into a potential relationship having LH as my FWB?? Or should I put him off and see how things go with the potential. I am not even sure I actually want a bf right now, but after all the crappy dudes I’ve been weeding through can I throw away a bud that could turn out to be a flower? Naturally the timing is shit. It usually is for me. Think I will wing it. I can’t pin all my hopes on one good date, like I did with JD. Clearly that didn’t work out. Think I will go for the “have my cake and eat it too” option. Fuck LH and date the potential slowing as time permits. I figure if he’s really for me it will prevent me from getting my feelings back for LH. Sorry CW — he’s like a magnet;;
yesmylifeisagongshow 